The Leadership Myth That Nearly Broke Me
- Sarah Gruneisen
- Aug 5
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 6
For years, I believed becoming a better leader meant becoming a better performer.
Work harder.
Know more.
Solve more.
Carry more.
Become indispensable.
And I became very good at it.
I was the reliable one.
The one who stepped in.
The one who stayed late.
The one who always found a way.
From the outside, it looked like leadership.
Inside, I was slowly disappearing.
What I didn’t realize was that many of my leadership behaviours weren’t leadership at all.
They were survival strategies.
After years of trying to hold everything together, my career, my marriage, my business, my family, I reached a point where I couldn’t keep pretending everything was okay.
During my divorce, I underwent a psychological evaluation that changed how I understood my entire life. I was diagnosed with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).
It didn’t tell me something was wrong with me.
It finally explained what had happened to me.
For the first time, my patterns made sense.
Why appreciation mattered so deeply.
Why autonomy felt like oxygen.
Why I over-functioned.
Why I found it so difficult to ask for help.
Why I kept proving my worth instead of believing I already had it.
I realized something that completely changed the way I think about leadership.
I hadn’t failed as a leader.
I had never learned how to lead myself with compassion.
I had been carrying my dragons into every meeting, every difficult conversation, every promotion, every relationship, without even realizing they were there.
That realization changed everything.
Not because it magically healed me.
Because it gave me a choice.
I could keep leading from survival.
Or I could begin leading from intention.
What surprised me most wasn’t my own story.
It was what happened when I started coaching others.
Engineers.
Architects.
Managers.
Founders.
Directors.
Different people.
Different industries.
Different life stories.
Yet I kept meeting the same dragons.
The fear of not being enough.
The need to prove themselves.
The inability to say no.
The fear of conflict.
Perfectionism.
Imposter syndrome.
People pleasing.
Overthinking.
They weren’t struggling because they lacked competence.
Most were already exceptional at what they did.
They were struggling because competence isn’t the same as leadership.
And in the age of AI, that gap is becoming even more visible.
Technical expertise alone is no longer enough.
The leaders who thrive won’t simply be the ones who know the most.
They’ll be the ones who create trust.
Navigate ambiguity.
Ask better questions.
Influence without authority.
Help people through change.
AI can help us write.
Analyze.
Code.
Research.
Even think faster.
But it can’t build trust.
It can’t replace courage.
It can’t have the difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding.
It can’t decide what kind of leader you want to become.
That part is still ours.
That’s why I created The Leadership Landing.
Not because the world needed another leadership course.
The world already has thousands of those.
I created a place where high performers could stop collecting frameworks and start understanding themselves.
A place where real conversations replace polished performances.
Where dragons are named instead of hidden.
Where people practice leadership instead of simply studying it.
Because the biggest gap isn’t between knowledge and success.
It’s between knowing what to do…
…and becoming the person who can actually do it.
I’ve watched participants arrive believing they needed more confidence.
Only to discover they actually needed permission.
Or boundaries.
Or self-compassion.
Or clarity.
I’ve watched people stop chasing promotions and start creating impact.
I’ve watched engineers become trusted advisors.
Managers become authentic leaders.
People stop performing leadership…
…and start living it.
That’s the transformation that matters.
Not becoming someone else.
Becoming more intentional.
Becoming more yourself.
If any part of this feels familiar…
If you’ve achieved success but still feel like you’re carrying something invisible…
If you’re ready to stop leading from old survival strategies and start leading with intention…
I’d love to invite you to join us.
💚 The next Leadership Landing cohort begins on Wednesday, September 2.
We keep every cohort intentionally small because transformation happens through conversation, reflection, challenge, and trust, not by sitting anonymously in a room of hundreds.
There are only 5 places remaining.
If you’re ready to become the leader your future needs, not just the leader your past created, you can learn more here:
“Leadership isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming more intentional, the leader you’re already capable of being.” - The Leadership Leap by Sarah Gruneisen (me!)
Wow this is an awesome post. I am blown away by the amount of fantastic content here. I felt really seen when reading the post. The images though - Wow!!! There is so much great content there.
Your story and that of those you have worked with are so relatable. It takes allowing oneself to be vulnerable to share our journeys. We can often see ourself in other's experiences due to having a shared human experience of similar struggles.
Feeling seen helps us feel safe to 'be' and hearing of others transformation helps us to feel safe to become..