From Stuck Senior to Recognized Leader
- Sarah Gruneisen
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
Why technical excellence was never the real barrier
There is a version of being “stuck” that looks impressive on LinkedIn.
You are senior.
You deliver.
You’re respected for your technical output.
You’re reliable.
And yet…
You feel like you are standing outside the real room.
You see influence happening.
You see decisions being shaped.
You see impact being made.
And you are not quite inside it.
This is not incompetence.
It is not lack of skill.
It is often a communication barrier between your internal world and the external system.
The Myth of “Just Work Harder”
Most senior engineers who feel stuck are told one of three things:
🔥 “Be more visible.”
🔥 “Speak up more.”
🔥 “Take more ownership.”
Which is ironic.
Because many of them are already carrying more than they should.
The real issue is rarely effort.
The issue is translation.
Translation of:
🐲 empathy into influence
🐲 intelligence into clarity
🐲 frustration into structured dialogue
🐲 spikes of energy into sustainable leadership
And most technical environments never teach that.
The Invisible Wall
Guilherme described something many engineers feel but struggle to articulate:
He had empathy.
He had the desire to help.
He naturally stepped into leadership positions when teams lacked direction.
But something was missing.
Doors weren’t opening.
Not because he lacked capability
but because he lacked the language to enter.
There is a painful truth here:
You can care deeply about people
and still fail to influence them.
Because empathy without structure can exhaust you.
Neurodivergence, Energy, and the Mask
Let’s say something most tech cultures still avoid:
Many senior engineers operate with neurodivergent patterns.
ADHD.
Hyper-focus cycles.
Energy spikes and crashes.
Pattern prediction.
Emotional intensity masked behind calm surfaces.
At work, the mask holds.
At home, it cracks.
The impatience dragon appears.
The irritation dragon whispers.
The exhaustion dragon roars.
Leadership is not about killing these dragons.
It is about learning their language.
And that is not taught in most leadership programs.
Courageous Conversations Changed Everything
The shift was not about becoming louder.
It was about becoming clearer.
Courageous conversations did not give him aggression.
They gave him structure.
Structure for:
💚 expressing boundaries without blame
💚 staying regulated in heat
💚 naming needs without escalating
💚 creating dialogue instead of defense
This is the moment the door opens.
Because influence does not come from intensity.
It comes from regulation.
The Cultural Layer
Now add another dimension:
Brazilian warmth.
Dutch directness.
High relational culture meeting low-context culture.
If you don’t understand this, you will internalize rejection that is not personal.
You will misread silence.
You will misinterpret bluntness.
You will assume exclusion.
When Guilherme began seeing leadership styles and personality patterns instead of “blocks,” something softened.
Leaders were no longer monoliths.
They were humans with:
💚 styles
💚 fears
🐉 dragons
💚 values
That reframing reduced defensiveness.
And influence grew.
The Controversial Part
Most engineers who feel stuck are not stuck because they lack skill.
They are stuck because they refuse to see themselves as human systems.
They want mastery without introspection.
They want influence without self-regulation.
They want recognition without vulnerability.
And leadership requires the opposite.
You must:
❤️🔥 understand your triggers
❤️🔥 accept your spikes and crashes
🐉 name your dragons
❤️🔥 sit with discomfort
❤️🔥 separate evaluation from ego
This is why transformation is emotional.
Not because it is dramatic.
But because it dismantles identity.
From “Just a Senior” to “Recognized Leader”
Recognition didn’t come when he demanded it.
It came when:
🔥 he stopped trying to be right
🔥 he started listening for leadership styles
🔥 he regulated before reacting
🔥 he separated empathy from overextension
🔥 he allowed energy cycles instead of fighting them
🔥 he stopped masking and started integrating
Then the feedback shifted.
“You communicate well.”
“You lead naturally.”
“You should take more responsibility.”
Not because of a title.
Because of presence.
The Hidden Shift
The real transformation was not from senior engineer to team captain.
It was from:
Reactive → Regulated
Empathic → Structured
Frustrated → Curious
Masking → Integrated
And that shift changed:
💚 how he shows up at work
💚 how he parents
💚 how he handles conflict
💚 how he manages energy
💚 how he understands leadership
A Truth Most Leadership Spaces Won’t Say
Leadership is not a role.
It is not a promotion.
It is not a management ladder.
It is the ability to:
💚 regulate yourself
💚 understand others
💚 align values
💚 and communicate in ways that create forward motion
And you can do that from any seat in the room.
Dragon Insight 🐉
When you are a stuck senior, the loudest dragon is usually this one:
“You’re not enough to sit in that room.”
When you grow, the dragon does not disappear.
It changes language.
It says:
“You’re allowed to be here, but stay humble.”
And when you truly integrate it, it becomes:
“You belong. Now build something meaningful.”
That is the shift.
From stuck.
To seen.
From competent.
To influential.
And that transformation is never about code.
It is about becoming human on purpose.
Comments