Day Three at Xebia: The Tension Between Belonging and Becoming

By the third day of onboarding at Xebia, I realized something:

This was not really onboarding.

Not in the traditional sense.

Nobody spent three days teaching us how to submit vacation requests or where to find templates in SharePoint.

Instead, they were trying to answer a much harder question:

“How do you create a company where people actually belong?”

And honestly…

that question is far more complicated than most organizations admit.

Because belonging sounds beautiful in slogans.

Until real humans arrive with different histories, nervous systems, values, fears, cultures, ambitions, traumas, communication styles, and definitions of care.

Then things become messy.

And very real.

People First: But According to Whom?

One of the biggest themes during bootcamp was “People First.”

At first glance, it sounds obvious.

Warm.

Human.

Safe.

But the deeper we went, the more I realized something important:

People can genuinely care about each other…

and still completely misunderstand one another.

A Dutch person may believe honesty is respect.

Someone from another culture may experience that same honesty as aggression.

One person may show care through autonomy.

Another through guidance.

Another through harmony.

Another through challenge.

None of them are necessarily wrong.

But without translation, care itself can become conflict.

And that realization became the seed for one of my favorite moments of the day.

The Purple Accord 🐉💜

During one of the final exercises, we were asked in small groups to create a hero’s journey story connected to Xebia’s values, culture, and future.

Our small team of three started discussing cultural clashes, misunderstanding, inclusion, AI, and the deeper meaning of “People First.”

And then…

somehow…

a purple dragon appeared.

Naturally. 🐉 😋

What emerged became:

“The Purple Accord: A Hero’s Journey Through Culture, Conflict, and AI”

The story centered around a purple dragon who could understand different worlds simultaneously.

Not because she was the strongest.

But because she listened deeply enough to recognize that people often collide not because they are malicious…

…but because they protect different fears, values, and identities.

In the story, kingdoms all believed in “People First.”

Yet every kingdom defined it differently.

One valued direct truth.

One valued harmony.

One valued autonomy.

One valued guidance and structure.

And without translation…

they fought.

Then AI entered the story.

Not as the hero.

But as the mirror.

A tool capable of revealing hidden assumptions, distorted language, unconscious bias, and invisible patterns humans struggle to see in themselves.

The dragon’s realization became the central message:

💜 “People First is not a behavior. It is a responsibility to understand before being understood.”

That line hits deep.

Because I think many organizations still confuse inclusion with politeness.

But real inclusion is harder than that.

It requires curiosity strong enough to survive discomfort.

And honestly?

That is where I think AI may genuinely help humanity if we use it wisely.

Not to replace human connection.

But to illuminate the invisible fractures between intention and interpretation.

We even created a full movie poster and presentation script together as a team.

And what struck me most was this:

Three strangers with different backgrounds created something deeply meaningful in under an 20 minutes…

because the environment made exploration feel safe enough to try.

That matters.

The Part That Triggered Me

But I also want to tell the truth.

Not every moment felt easy for me.

There was a deeply personal sharing session in the day.

People spoke about trauma.

War.

Autism.

Cancer.

Depression.

Abuse. Of the worst kinds!!!

Fear.

Loss.

And I could feel my nervous system tightening.

Not because the session was wrong.

Actually…

it was handled with enormous care.

Nobody forced vulnerability.

Nobody pressured participation.

People were explicitly told they could pass.

And I did.

But even with psychological safety present, some environments can still activate old survival responses inside us.

That is something I think organizations often forget.

A safe space does not mean every nervous system will automatically feel safe.

Sometimes safety is not measured by whether tears appear.

Sometimes safety is measured by whether someone can say:

“I don’t want to (hear or) share.”

…and still fully belong afterward.

That was the moment I quietly watched most carefully.

And honestly?

Xebia handled it beautifully.

I brought up my discomfort afterward with a smaller group of collegues.

Openly.

Not dramatically.

Not accusingly.

Just honestly.

And instead of defensiveness…

it was honored.

That mattered more to me than the exercise itself.

Because psychologically safe cultures are not cultures without tension.

They are cultures where tension can be spoken aloud without punishment.

The Personal Brand Tension

Another conversation that stayed with me revolved around marketing, thought leadership, and personal branding.

And honestly…

I felt tension rise inside me during that session.

At one point, the conversation touched on the idea of “ego brands.”

And interestingly…

I did not completely disagree.

Because some personal branding is built around visibility, status, attention, or self-promotion.

Some brands are constructed more around performance than purpose.

But I could feel something inside me tighten anyway.

Because Avagasso Coaching was never built that way for me.

It was not created to become famous.

It was built from leadership work.

From coaching.

From engineering.

From survival.

From rebuilding after trauma.

From writing a book I desperately needed earlier in my own life.

From trying to create more human conversations inside technology and leadership.

So yes…

I am happy to collaborate.

I am happy to amplify shared messages.

I am happy for my work to create value beyond myself.

But Xebia does not own my voice.

And honestly…

I do not believe healthy organizations should want to.

Strong ecosystems are not built by flattening people into corporate clones.

They are built by connecting distinct voices around shared purpose.

I expected this tension to become uncomfortable.

In many organizations, boundaries around identity and ownership are interpreted as ego, lack of loyalty, or lack of commitment.

But again…

I was surprised.

I brought the tension into the room openly.

Not defensively.

Not aggressively.

Just honestly.

And instead of resistance…

it was honored. 💜💚

Even celebrated.

That mattered deeply to me.

Because psychologically safe cultures are not cultures without tension.

They are cultures where nuance can survive.

Where someone can say:

“I want collaboration without identity erasure.”

…and still fully belong.

And well…

that entire moment drove the inspiration of our purple dragon story we created later that day.

💜 “People First is not a behavior. It is a responsibility to understand before being understood.”

I think that applies to organizations too. 🐉

The Real Thing I’m Seeing

There is something fascinating happening at Xebia.

Underneath the AI strategy…

underneath the thought leadership discussions…

underneath the transformation language…

there seems to be a deeper experiment unfolding:

Can a company scale without losing humanity?

Can AI amplify people instead of flattening them?

Can expertise and empathy coexist?

Can business value and human value reinforce one another instead of competing?

I do not think they have all the answers yet.

Honestly, I think anyone claiming certainty right now is probably oversimplifying the future.

But what I am seeing so far is something I respect deeply:

A willingness to ask difficult questions out loud.

And perhaps that is where meaningful transformation actually begins.

Not in pretending we already know the future.

But in building environments brave enough to explore it together.

🐉💜