Communication Is Not Soft, It’s the System

Sandra on why leadership starts with how we talk to ourselves.

When organizations struggle, communication is often named as the problem.

But rarely do we ask the more uncomfortable question:

What kind of communication are we actually talking about?

During her interview, Sandra named something that sounds simple, yet goes straight to the heart of leadership.

You don’t just learn how to communicate with others.

You learn how to communicate with yourself first.

That distinction changes everything.

Communication doesn’t start between people

Most leadership models focus on external communication:

✅ feedback conversations

✅ alignment meetings

✅ vision statements

✅ performance discussions

But Sandra pointed to something deeper.

Before any message reaches another person, it passes through an internal system:

🔥 assumptions

🔥 emotional states

🔥 unmet needs

🔥 unexamined reactions

If that system is noisy, rushed, or reactive, the message will be distorted long before it ever leaves your mouth.

Communication as data transfer

Sandra used a metaphor many engineers immediately understand:

Communication is data transfer.

If your data is outdated, corrupted, or poorly structured, it won’t arrive correctly.

Not because the receiver is incapable, but because the transmission itself is flawed.

The same is true in human systems.

If leaders communicate while:

🖤 dysregulated

🖤 defensive

🖤 unclear about their own needs

🖤 reacting instead of responding

Then no amount of good intention will fix the outcome.

The message simply won’t land.

Why self-communication comes first

Learning to communicate with yourself means:

💚 noticing when you’re triggered

💚 understanding what you’re actually reacting to

💚 separating facts from interpretations

💚 recognizing when you need to pause

This internal clarity becomes the foundation for external clarity.

Without it, conversations become:

🖤 emotionally charged

🖤 misinterpreted

🖤 overly complex

🖤 or quietly avoidant

And over time, teams stop trusting the signal.

What this means for organizations

In many companies today, communication is treated as a soft skill.

But in reality, it’s infrastructure.

When communication breaks down:

🖤 alignment slows

🖤 motivation drops

🖤 misunderstandings multiply

🖤 and psychological safety erodes

Not because people don’t care

but because the system they’re operating from isn’t clean.

Clear communication doesn’t require perfect people.

It requires leaders who are willing to look inward first.

Encouragement only works if it arrives intact

Sandra made another important point:

Encouragement is also communication.

You can intend to motivate, support, or empower, but if your message is rushed, unclear, or emotionally misaligned, it won’t be received as encouragement.

Just like data packets that never reach their destination.

Leadership, then, isn’t about speaking more.

It’s about transmitting less, more clearly.

A quieter form of leadership

This kind of communication doesn’t look flashy.

It looks like:

❤️‍🔥 pauses before responding

❤️‍🔥 curiosity instead of certainty

❤️‍🔥 naming what’s happening internally

❤️‍🔥 checking understanding instead of assuming it

It’s slower.

And because of that, it’s stronger.

A question worth reflecting on

If communication in your environment feels strained, unclear, or exhausting, consider this:

Is the issue really between people

or is it happening within them first?

Because leadership doesn’t start with better messages.

It starts with a cleaner signal.

The whole interview can be found here: